Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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