I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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