sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
