I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Randomize
