where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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