The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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