I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
