new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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