Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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