Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
