I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
