I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
