you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I currently don't understand fingers.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
