Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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