i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
