i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
