we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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