my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
is it fun? or sober?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
