Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
