roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
