every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
