It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
