"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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