Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
