if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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