Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
