At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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