is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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