..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
