Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
