I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
