I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I am spending my child support on dildos
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
