My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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