Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
