At least make sure they are 18
Why
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
