I wish I only lived at night.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
