You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
