evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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