he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
