Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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