It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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