I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Randomize
