made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
