Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
