It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
