is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
