I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
