FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
