Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Can I color on your dick again?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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