I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
