Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Houston, we have a squirter
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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