I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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