Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
