saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
