i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
